Grace in Marriage

Gracious Woman

A gracious woman gets honor. Proverbs 11:16

This week I listened to a webinar on life coaching. This was the basic question being addressed: How do we help people make healthy changes in their lifestyle? The program was designed for health care workers, but it applies to family life as well. I took notes as I listened and identified practical tips for encouraging changes in behavior (mine and my husband’s).

It is easy for me to get frustrated with my husband’s way of doing home repair. We have different perspectives. It’s the engineer with great designs vs. the manager of home and hospitality.

The first thing I need to do is, to listen to him explain his plans. Then I can ask questions—helping both of us to see a project more clearly. The conversation should include two reflections for every question. A reflection restates what the other person has said and confirms understanding.

Making demands or instructing my husband on what needs to be done doesn’t work. Instead demands throw a wedge in our relationship and can shut down our communication. We can both be pretty self-centered. I want a project done yesterday. Hubby wants to work on his own time-line. The appearance is important to me and hubby is satisfied when it is functional. We need to listen to each other in turn and compromise.

I am not going to get everything I want, but we can stay us on a path of progress, working together. We can increase our understanding of each other’s strengths.

Dialogue works (supporting motivation) when positive comments are in a 3:1 ratio with negative comments, for relationships in general. In a marriage relationship the positive to negative comment ratio needs to be 5:1. I was startled when the lecturer said this. I need to improve!

How often do I notice the good things my husband is accomplishing? Do I let him know? Do I affirm his strengths?

The word I chose for 2015 is gracious. I have been paying attention to the way I interact with people that I meet.  And I can still grow in    graciousness toward my husband in our daily life.

The apostle Paul’s letters to the Christians at Ephesus and Colosse    addresses  husbands and wives. They struggled in their relationships too!

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.                     Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.                      Colossians 3:18

Linking with MYHSM, the Art of HomemakingWholeHearted Wednesday, Dance with Jesus,  A Little R & R,  Titus 2sdayMotivation MondayWeekend Whispers and Sunday Stillness

Author: Carol

Carol is a follower of Jesus and a wife, mom & grandma. She worked for many years as a childbirth nurse and prenatal educator. She recently retired from clinical work. She has written articles for nursing journals and devotionals. Her novel, Aliisa's Letter, was published in 2010 and she is currently working on another project.

7 thoughts on “Grace in Marriage”

  1. I will have to say that I’m still working on this too. My husband and I have vast differences in ideas when it comes to projects. I’m the no holds barred – let’s get this done at all costs and he is the planner – let’s think this through type. If we meet somewhere in the middle our project goes pretty well. It has been hard for me to slow down and I’ve learned that we can avoid some serious mistakes if we just stop and think about it for a while. I still need God’s grace !!!!

    1. And the benefit with the planners is that usually the project is done right the first time. I have to keep that in mind and be thankful! I am glad you visited. Blessings!

  2. Because is a contractor and a general fix it man, I can tend to get bossy and impatient when it comes to projects around my home. I want it all done yesterday. But I forget my husband needs grace extended as he works hard all week to provide. Thanks for sharing at Weekend Whispers.

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