Refined and Blessed by Marriage

Someone was ringing the doorbell persistently. My husband went to the door and I looked on, curious. A deliveryman handed a wrapped florist parcel to him. Who is sending flowers? I wondered.

The enclosed card was inscribed, Happy Anniversary.   It was from our   sister-in-law. And then I remembered. Our 40th anniversary was just days away.

We have been blessed and refined by many years of marriage. The day after the flowers arrived, my husband and I attended a world-view conference led by Dr. Frank Turek. During the course of his presentation he spoke about the benefits of marriage between one man and one woman—and the reason why the government has had an interest in marriage historically. Here are the benefits I jotted down;

  1. Creates children
  2. Children are raised by a mom and a dad
  3. Civilizes men
  4. Protects women
  5. Perpetuates and stabilizes society

Dr. Turek covers this topic in his book, Correct, Not Politically Correct. He also has a website: cross-examined.org

When God set down the pattern for marriage it was for our good, as a couple, and for society as a whole.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24

Marriage

Jesus affirmed this view of marriage: Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?” Matthew 19: 4-5

In our marriage, my husband and I have grown in our faith and helped each other with new skills. We have had good times and hard times. We have sometimes communicated well and at other times not very well. We have learned forgiveness and self-sacrifice. We have raised children and now have three married adult children and seven grandchildren.

How can we pass on a healthy view of marriage to children and grandchildren?

1.  When the Bible is a part of our daily life it becomes a guidebook for healthy living. Regular Bible reading and prayer at home is a good thing.

2.  We need to discuss sexuality with the children God has placed in our influence. God’s design for sex is healthy and fulfilling; it requires boundaries. Surveys have shown that teens wish that their parents would discuss this topic with them.

3.  We can give our testimony as a couple, explaining how God has worked in our life.

4.  We can pray for the young people in our circle of influence and look for opportunities to offer words of guidance and encouragement. This morning my husband and I prayed for our grandchildren.

Can you think of additional ways to promote healthy marriages?

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A New Season of Life and a Luscious Cup of Coffee

 

A New Season and a Luscious Cup of Coffee

My husband and I are in a new season of life. We are both retired and have supportive roles in our extended family. My mother and brother are in declining health now and require the help of family. We are thrilled to have five of our grandchildren in the area and see them on a regular basis. We are learning new patterns of teamwork.

My husband makes the morning coffee. We have agreed on the recipe for the best coffee (see below). We each fix a light breakfast (mine is oatmeal) and read at the kitchen table. I am developing the habit of prayer and Bible study before I open my computer.

Sometimes I make trips to Michigan to assist in the care of my mother or brother while my husband takes care of the home front. Sometimes he comes with me. He always makes sure that the car is in good shape for travel.

We have different passions. He is an engineer, a problem solver and computer expert. He keeps my computer running and backed up. He enjoys being part of a ham radio group. I like to write, read, knit and support issues related to women’s health and childbirth.

My husband has attended one March for Life with me, but this year he did not want to go to the March in downtown Chicago. When the thermometer showed a reading of 4° F, he said, “Surely you are not still planning to go?!”

And I said, “I will just go to the meet up place and then decide before I get on the bus.”

He said, “Take the ski goggles with you.”

My thought was I will look stupid. But I put the goggles in my purse and headed out the door. I did go to the March for Life. The wind chill at one point was -11°, possibly colder. We were outside for almost two hours and I was very grateful for the ski goggles.

We are enjoying being grandparents. When my daughter needs an evening babysitter, we go together and spend time with the grandchildren. I feel blessed to have this season with my husband.

During our wedding ceremony we committed to encourage each     other. We read from Colossians 1: 9-14 during the ceremony.

And so from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.  He has delivered us from the     domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

romantic-pink-roses

These verses are still a guide for us.

Here is our recipe for a great cup of coffee. We grind our own beans. While I will measure the coffee grounds (8 tablespoons for 11 cups of water), my husband puts the beans in the grinder and dumps all of the ground coffee in the filter paper lined basket. He is certain that he has placed the right amount of beans in the grinder. We add a dash of salt to take away the bitter edge of coffee and some cardamon seeds (a scant ¼ teaspoon).

After the coffee has brewed I add ¼ teaspoon of coconut oil and some cream to my coffee. So good!

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Grace in Marriage

Gracious Woman

A gracious woman gets honor. Proverbs 11:16

This week I listened to a webinar on life coaching. This was the basic question being addressed: How do we help people make healthy changes in their lifestyle? The program was designed for health care workers, but it applies to family life as well. I took notes as I listened and identified practical tips for encouraging changes in behavior (mine and my husband’s).

It is easy for me to get frustrated with my husband’s way of doing home repair. We have different perspectives. It’s the engineer with great designs vs. the manager of home and hospitality.

The first thing I need to do is, to listen to him explain his plans. Then I can ask questions—helping both of us to see a project more clearly. The conversation should include two reflections for every question. A reflection restates what the other person has said and confirms understanding.

Making demands or instructing my husband on what needs to be done doesn’t work. Instead demands throw a wedge in our relationship and can shut down our communication. We can both be pretty self-centered. I want a project done yesterday. Hubby wants to work on his own time-line. The appearance is important to me and hubby is satisfied when it is functional. We need to listen to each other in turn and compromise.

I am not going to get everything I want, but we can stay us on a path of progress, working together. We can increase our understanding of each other’s strengths.

Dialogue works (supporting motivation) when positive comments are in a 3:1 ratio with negative comments, for relationships in general. In a marriage relationship the positive to negative comment ratio needs to be 5:1. I was startled when the lecturer said this. I need to improve!

How often do I notice the good things my husband is accomplishing? Do I let him know? Do I affirm his strengths?

The word I chose for 2015 is gracious. I have been paying attention to the way I interact with people that I meet.  And I can still grow in    graciousness toward my husband in our daily life.

The apostle Paul’s letters to the Christians at Ephesus and Colosse    addresses  husbands and wives. They struggled in their relationships too!

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.                     Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.                      Colossians 3:18

Linking with MYHSM, the Art of HomemakingWholeHearted Wednesday, Dance with Jesus,  A Little R & R,  Titus 2sdayMotivation MondayWeekend Whispers and Sunday Stillness