Category: Parenting

Beginning in Detroit

There is benefit in having fresh perspectives. I want to be a life-long learner, seeking truth.

Many years ago, I started my nursing career at a Detroit hospital. I worked in the labor/delivery unit, learning the medical aspects of childbearing.

When I was expecting my first baby, I was introduced to Lamaze classes. Eventually I became a Lamaze instructor. I gained an understanding of relaxation skills and ways to guide a woman through the stages of labor.

Years later, while working for a home birth practice, I saw limited medical interventions during childbirth. And I saw the tension between home birth attendants and hospital staff. Home births and hospital births, both have benefits and risks. I believe hospital-based obstetricians and home birth midwives could learn from each other and find synergy, if they were open to greater communication.

During our years of parenting my husband and I had different views and ideas. We needed to communicate and learn from each other.

Life lessons continue. When controversial issues arise, are we willing to listen to different viewpoints? My hope is that we can listen well and observe carefully without prejudice. Let’s be open to fresh perspectives. 

This week I have been participating in a writing challenge with Hope Writers. Each day I have been posting a picture with some thoughts on instagram. This is my take on today’s prompt: FRESH

I am sharing this post with Five Minute Friday .

Breathing Patterns for Birth . . . and Soccer?

Last Saturday I spent a lovely afternoon watching my grandson play soccer. It brought back memories of the time my son played soccer and I was an accidental coach. Years ago I wrote a story about that experience.

When I first told my family that I was  a soccer coach they didn’t believe me.  You see, I had never played soccer.  I had never even watched a soccer game.  My position as a soccer coach began as a mistake.

When I signed my son up for soccer I checked one of the boxes indicating that I would volunteer my assistance.  Whenever my children were involved in an activity it seemed prudent to be involved.  I could bake cookies or make phone calls. At the first team meeting a tall man announced to the group.  “I’m looking for Carol Van Der Woude.”

I stepped forward with a smile, “that’s me.”

“I’m John.  I understand that you are my assistant coach.”

I gasped and then stuttered.  “I’m pleased to meet you.  I did sign up to assist . . . um . . . I can make phone calls, bring snacks.”

John smiled and responded.  “All the parents will bring snacks.  I’ll just need you to help with the practices and then cover a few games when I am out of town.  It’s not hard,  We have a training session this coming Saturday.”

The following Saturday I arrived at the sport center dressed in casual clothes and leather sandals.  I brought my notebook and pen, prepared to take notes on my new role.  With a sinking heart I noticed that I was one of a few females and that everyone was dressed in shorts and tennis shoes.  John greeted me, looked at my attire and  chuckled.  “It’s going to be a little hard to control the ball in those shoes.”

When the instructor for our session asked everyone to assemble on the indoor soccer field, I felt a little sick.  I stayed at the back of the group, trying to be invisible.

It was to no avail.  The instructor walked over and looked me up and down.  I was hoping that he would ask me to sit out.  Instead he shrugged as amusement crossed his features.  “It’ll have to do.”

We practiced countless drills, dribbling and passing the ball, running around cones.  I survived the running and kicking and returned to my seat to write furious notes.

As I wrote I thought, I’ve taught Lamaze skills for many years.  Surely I can teach soccer skills.  Certainly there are principles that apply to both.

During our practices I had each child introduce himself and encouraged the children to call each other by name.  I was sure that a good sense of team effort and a supportive environment would benefit the players.   It was a delight to see the shy child’s face light up when his team-mates called to him by name.

John was out of town for our second game.  I rotated the 5 and 6 year old boys on and off the field.  Whenever a child became distracted or was hesitant about kicking the ball I coached him.  “Focus on the ball, breathe in, breathe out and kick!”  From the sidelines I yelled “Breathe and kick!”

After my grandson’s game I took out the team picture from 23 years ago. I was standing proudly with the team. I never coached another soccer team, but I have happy memories of that year.

Sharing this post with the Five Minute Friday writing community .

Detroit, the Family and Reflections on Racism

My first job as a graduate nurse was in a hospital in downtown Detroit. I worked in a labor/delivery unit with a diverse group of patients. Some women had taken Lamaze classes and some were unwed teenagers. We had a pregnant woman, victim of a gunshot, who was partially paralyzed. The unit had on average 500 births per month at that time.

The head nurse on the dayshift was a black woman. The head nurse on the evening shift was a black woman. Many of the staff were black, and I had a big learning curve.

Most nurses on the unit were experienced, but I was in my first year of practice. I also found an ethnic difference between myself and the nurses that had grown up in a black community. Sometimes I misunderstood them, and sometimes they misunderstood me. But I don’t think this was racism.

I believe that we must listen to others and try to understand our differences. We need to have respect for all people. We can learn this in our families.

I am third generation Finnish. My family held onto Finnish traditions and language (I learned some basic phrases and listened to Finnish pastors as a translator spoke in English). We kept ties with the Finnish community in Upper Michigan where my grandfathers had worked in the copper mines.

 I grew up in a home where my parents instilled a love of learning, took us to libraries and encouraged us to read the Bible.

My family, like all families, has flaws. Yet the family is the design that God put in place for the flourishing of society. My family provided a foundation for me to withstand the challenges of life in a broken world.

The laws of our country need to support the nuclear family. A child’s best advocate is his mother and father. The family is the primary place for learning life skills. Welfare laws inadvertently discouraged the formation of nuclear families. Did this have a disproportionate effect on the black community? 

Planned Parenthood has placed its clinics in poor and black communities. By providing birth control and then subsequently abortions, did these clinics promote promiscuity in the black community? A negative effect on family formation?

It is important to look carefully at the policies that have disadvantaged the black community to understand institutional racism. In an editorial in the Wall Street Journal (9/11/2020) Latasha Fields writes about her opposition to programs that increase dependency on the government. She states:

By subsidizing recklessness and the growing effects of immorality these programs have subverted, undermined and unraveled the tapestry of thriving and healthy families. Ultimately the successes and failures of the black community come from the choices we make. 

We are at a turbulent moment in our country. We need to understand the roots of the unrest and violence in order to find solutions. The police are dealing with complex issues: domestic violence, aggressive resistance to arrest when they are called to a scene, mental illness. Our society has a growing number of young men with autism. 

Please join me in praying for our country.

Nine Tips for a Young Woman

As a mom, grandmother and nurse What advice would I give to a young woman?

Learn about life practices that support your health: nutrition, exercise, rest.

Pay attention to the rhythm of your body, because your cycles give insight into your health.

Don’t share your body intimately with a young man outside of marriage. Sex is a sacred bond between a man and a woman.

Trust your body. During pregnancy and childbirth lean into your faith in God with prayer.

As a parent, trust your instincts and remember that you will always be the best advocate for your child.

Ask questions when you visit a doctor. Medical practice is moving towards one-size fits all policies. If we go to socialized medicine this will increase. It is important to remember that all medicines and vaccines have side effects and risks. Learn about the risks and benefits as you make decisions for your child.

Pray for wisdom and trust God to guide you.

No one is perfect. We all have human failings. Confess your faults, forgive yourself and others.

Respect moms that have made choices that are different from yours.

Linking this post to Heart Encouragement, Inspire Me Monday and the Five Minute Friday writing community.

Medical Freedom for Families

Over the past couple of years I have tracked legislation occurring across our country with regard to childhood vaccinations. Because one of my children developed fibromyalgia after a vaccine I am sensitive to this issue.

In 1986 the federal government passed a bill, the National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act, that gave pharmaceutical companies immunity from lawsuits. The pharmaceuticals were threatening to stop making vaccines because they were being sued so often. 

Since that bill passed the number of vaccines has escalated. Despite wording in the bill that required the Health and Human Services department to identify children that could be harmed by a vaccine and a directive to improve safety testing, that has not happened!

Doctors are not trained to observe side effects or long term consequences involving the immune system caused by a vaccine. It is the parents that are seeing the effects of vaccination, but when they report the changes in their child they are often told that it is just coincidence. What can a parent do against the power of the pharmaceutical and medical establishment?

Parents have relied on medical and religious exemptions to protect their child. 

Other corrective measures could be taken. The government could rescind the 1986 law and hold pharmaceutical companies responsible for inadequate safety testing. Medical and nursing schools could train health care workers to observe and document side effects of vaccines.  It has been reported that medical students get a half day of teaching on vaccines that amounts to accepting the CDC schedule of vaccines.

Nurses and doctors could listen carefully with an open mind to parents.  

California has passed the most government intrusive legislation. All religious exemptions for vaccines have been taken away. A parent who protests the use of aborted fetal tissue to produce the MMR vaccine must comply with the state in order for their child to be allowed to attend school. 

When a doctor in California writes a medical exemption for a child who has been injured by a vaccine or a child with a medical condition, that exemption must be approved by a bureaucrat in the the state health department. If a doctor writes six or more exemptions in one year he/she will be placed under state surveillance. Why such a heavy hand to protect a vaccine schedule that has more than ten times the number of vaccines given in the 1960s?

My state is moving in a direction that takes decisions about health care away from parents. New vaccine bills are being presented in the Illinois House and Senate. The Illinois House is proposing HB 4870. This bill would require all children entering sixth grade to receive the HPV vaccine and have completed the the series of three vaccines before entering ninth grade.

HPV (human papilloma virus) is transmitted by sexual contact. This infection is not transmitted in a classroom. There is no reason to bar a child from school if he/she has not received this vaccine. For more information click here.

HPV may cause cervical cancer but the changes in cervical cells occurs slowly and can be picked up by pap smears and treated effectively. If a parent/young woman chooses this type of management, why force a vaccine that has been shown to have significant risk?

The Illinois Senate is proposing SB 3668. This bill would remove religious exemptions, restrict medical exemptions and lowers the age when a minor can consent to vaccines without parent approval. For more information click here.

As a nurse I have watched the movement to develop one-size-fits-all medical policies. It deeply concerns me that a long list of vaccines for all children despite their different health histories is being pushed.

As citizens of this country we need to be aware of the legislation that is being passed. We should get to know our local legislators and communicate with them. During local and national elections we should be voting to make our voices heard.

This post is shared with Tuesdays with a Twist and Anita’s link-up, Inspire Me Monday

What Do We Tell the Children?

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with my grandchildren. I was happy to join the family for dinner. As we were eating dinner the second grader said, “We might be having world war three.”

“Why do you say that?” I asked.

“A boy in my class said that.”

The granddaughter who is in middle school said, “My teacher spent two class hours talking about what is happening.”

We had a discussion of the current news. The grandchildren listened attentively–they were concerned.

I am very glad to be studying Paul’s letters to Timothy at this time. I explained that  Paul had sound advice and encouragement for Timothy during a very difficult time.

As I mentioned Paul’s letter to Timothy, the words came to me. “God is sovereign. He knows what is happening. We can pray for our leaders that they will do what is right.” 

As I thought about our conversation I am reminded of the importance of time studying the Bible. We can direct our children and grandchildren to be grounded in the Word, sharing scripture with them. We can encourage them to participate in prayer for our country, our President, his cabinet and congress.

First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. 1 Timothy 2: 1-4 

This post is shared with the Five Minute Friday writing community. Today’s prompt is: DIRECTION

At the Mall: The VIE Event

What happened in Washington D.C. last week? The constant drumbeat for impeachment continues and headlines the news. There are many topics, news relevant to parents and families to report. Congress has many issues that should be addressed for the people.

On November 14th an event took place on the Washington D.C. Mall. It was cold, but hundreds of parents came. They came with concern for the injuries and disabilities caused by vaccines.

It is true that the child mortality rate in the U.S. is increasing. Chronic disease in children is increasing at an alarming rate: asthma, diabetes, allergies, neurologic diseases, autism.

Childhood cancer is also on the rise. Read this article.

A line-up of distinguished speakers was captured on video-tape by The High Wire. I meant to just check it out, but I couldn’t turn it off. It went on for four hours.

The speakers were riveting. Eventually my husband began watching also. A focus of discussion was on the National Childhood Vaccine Injury Law of 1986.

The law gave pharmaceuticals complete immunity from any lawsuit brought because of injury to a child by a vaccine. It also set up a government court (VAERS) that would pay out funds to families whose child was disabled or died as a result of the vaccine (if the parents were aware of this vaccine court, if they knew how to bring their case, if they had good documentation). To date the government has paid out more than four billion dollars. 

At the same time it had provisions that were suppose to insure that vaccines were held to higher safety standards. The bill tasked HHS with overseeing safety studies and developing a plan to identify children who are more susceptible to vaccine risk. Somehow the safety studies didn’t take place. We don’t know why some children are at greater risk of injury. Doctors are not trained to look for side effects or injury.

Between 12/1/2007 and 9/30/ 2009 Harvard Medical School did a study to see how well the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS) works in identifying vaccine injury. A report of this study can be viewed here.

. . . fewer than 1% of vaccine adverse events are reported. Low reporting rates preclude or slow the identification of “problem” drugs and vaccines that endanger public health. New surveillance methods for drug and vaccine adverse effects are needed. Barriers to reporting include a lack of clinician awareness, uncertainty about when and what to report, as well as the burdens of reporting: reporting is not part of clinicians’ usual workflow, takes time, and is duplicative.

Instead the number of vaccines has multiplied.

Childhood Vaccine Schedule

All of the speakers were good but I found these to be the most succinct:

At one hour and 10 minutes into the video a lawyer, Mary Holland, spoke. Dr. Bob Sears at one hour and 22 minutes. Dr. Andrew Wakefield at three hours and 12 minutes. Robert Kennedy jr. at three hours and 21 minutes.  

You can access the video of this event here.

Sharing this post with Inspire Me Monday and #Monday Musings

At Last a Child Spoke Truth

Hans Christian Anderson wrote fairy tales that I read as a child. Recently one of those stories has come to mind.

In The Emperors New Clothes swindlers approach a self-indulgent King with a proposal. They have devised a very clever lie with their plot. They tell the King that the magical clothes they produce will only be visible to wise and educated people. People who are fools will not be able to see the clothes. The King is intrigued and agrees to their proposal.

The swindlers go about weaving imaginary cloth and sewing the “cloth” into a suit of clothes.

When court officials are asked to view the progress of the swindlers they are afraid to say that they don’t see anything—because they would be admitting that they are fools. 

Eventually the King parades his new clothes in a procession. The people of the kingdom stare, but are afraid to say that they don’t see the magical clothes. They don’t want to appear as fools.

At last a little boy says, “But he has got nothing on.”

The Emperor’s New Clothes was published in 1837, but it has relevance today.

If a lie is told frequently enough people begin to believe it. Can we distinguish the lies in our culture?  

Abortion has been justified with the the idea that a fetus is just a clump of tissue. 

Biological sex is being dismissed and replaced with gender ideology. 

The CDC in concert with pharmaceuticals lists 72 vaccine doses that children must have by age 18 to be healthy.

What is actually happening to the health of children?

More than 60 million babies have been aborted in the U.S.

The teen suicide rate is rising, and the child mortality rate is rising in the U.S.

We need to pray for our country, for families and for the health of children growing up today.

Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. Psalm 25: 4-5 ESV

This post is shared with Tuesdays with a Twist, Encouraging Hearts & Home, Crystal’s Heart Encouragement and the Five Minute Friday writing community. Today’s prompt is: LAST (In full disclosure, the prompt stimulated my thoughts, but this post took quite a bit longer than 5 minutes.)

Learning and Teaching Patience

Patience is a virtue, worth cultivating in ourselves and our children.

Some years ago I read an article by Pamela Druckerman that extolled the way French parents teach their children to wait. In her article, Why French Parents Are Superior, Druckerman pointed out that children who have learned patience are more content and better behaved.

My senses were awakened to the virtue of practicing and teaching patience.

It pleases me to watch my daughters as they make good choices in parenting. When I am talking with my daughters on the phone, invariably a child may want their attention. They calmly inform the child “I am talking to Grandma. When I am finished I can help you.”

It is good for children to practice waiting.

One daughter has six children and the youngest is two years old. This little guy is aware that I often have some lollipops in my purse. If I stop by for a visit in the morning he runs to me with a big hug, and then he asks me, “Did you bring your purse? Do you have lollipops?” 

When tell him, “yes I have lollipops”, I explain that he must wait until after lunch. He is satisfied.

Gardening provides practice in patience for me and for the grandchildren. We plant seeds and water them, waiting for the appearance of stem and leaves. Then we wait for flowers to bloom, for tomatoes to appear and ripen, for raspberry bushes to bear fruit.

The Bible has a message about waiting.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.

It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. Lamentations 3: 22-26

In our walk of faith we are encouraged to develop patience.

This post is shared with the Five Minute Friday writing community. The prompt that stimulates our thoughts today is: WAIT

A Call to People of Faith for the Sake of the Children

Attorney General Bill Barr gave a speech to the law school at the University of Notre Dame on October 11, 2019. In that speech he said:

“For anyone who has a religious faith, by far the most important part of exercising that faith is the teaching of that religion to our children. The passing on of the faith. There is no greater gift we can give our children and no greater expression of love.”

Barr went on to explain that our schools are interfering. It is true in Illinois. Legislation has been passed mandating that people who are/were LGBTQ and who have made contributions to society must be acknowledged along with their sexual preferences. Children in elementary school, beginning with kindergarten, will be exposed to sexual terms and behavior. 

Why must young children be exposed to every kind of sexual behavior? Is there no period of innocence for children any more? This takes away parental rights to teach about sexuality at the appropriate time.

The high school district that provided my children with an excellent education is now distracted with the issue of bathrooms and locker rooms. The school board is considering a policy that will give a transgender student (biologically male) full and open access to the girl’s locker room, shower and bathrooms.

How many girls feel comfortable sharing their dressing room with a biological male? Why should they? Ten years ago this would have been shocking. Why is this happening?

The attorney general observed:

“One of the ironies, as some have observed, is that the secular project has itself become a religion, pursued with religious fervor.“

The secular view of sexuality is now being forced on young people. This distracts from the real goal of a high school education—learning subjects and skills needed to achieve employment in our society. 

Unless we speak up, engage in events like the school board meetings, study the the candidates for public office and vote with wisdom, we will be swept away in a culture that is so damaging to the children growing up now.

The attorney general said:

“They [Judeo-Christian moral standards] reflect the rules that are best for man, not in the by and by, but in the here and now. They are like God’s instruction manual for the best running of man and human society.“

The full text of Attorney General Barr’s speech can be read here.

Sharing this post with Mississippi Mom and Inspire Me Monday.